how we hold this space.
last updated April 24, 2026
Every community needs agreements. Without them, the loudest voices set the terms. With the wrong ones, the rules become the point. What follows is our attempt at something quieter: a few principles for how to show up here, written in plain language, held with real weight.
These guidelines apply across Tessakin — spaces, feeds, profiles, messages, every place members interact with each other. They apply to you, to me, and to every moderator. No one is above them.
Read them once. Come back to them if something feels off. If you ever think we're failing to live up to them, tell us.
1. Wholeness — show up as yourself, assume others are whole
Every person here is whole on their own. You don't complete each other by meeting, and you don't owe each other anything by showing up. Treat others as already-complete humans having a conversation with another already-complete human — not as resources, not as problems to solve, not as opportunities. This is the foundation everything else rests on.
2. Consideration — move slowly, think carefully, read before you react
The internet rewards speed; this community doesn't. Before you reply, read. Before you report, consider. Before you argue, ask yourself if you've understood what the other person actually said. Consideration isn't about being slow for its own sake — it's about showing up in ways that treat the conversation as worth your care.
3. Plurality — many shapes, all welcome
We don't prescribe one shape of relationship. Kitchen-table, parallel, hierarchical, solo, anarchic, closed, open — every configuration that works for the people in it is welcome here. If you're certain you know the right way to love, this isn't the place to teach everyone else. If you're genuinely curious about how others love, you'll find a lot to read.
4. Honesty — tell the truth, hold your ground, change your mind when it's right to
This community values honest disagreement over polite agreement. You can push back on ideas, including ours. You can tell someone their framework doesn't work for you. You can change your mind publicly and without apology. What we ask is that honesty stays pointed at ideas and behaviors, not at people as people. Attack the argument; never the person making it.
5. Chosen kinship — this is a practice, not a feature
Community is something we do together, not something we consume. Show up. Ask after people. Respond when someone reaches out. If a new member posts an introduction and no one replies, we've all failed a little bit. Kinship is chosen, and choosing it repeatedly is what makes this work.
- Honest questions, including the ones you're embarrassed to ask
- Specific experiences, named and owned — yours, not a generalization about “what poly people think”
- Real disagreement, when it's about ideas and grounded in respect
- Thoughtful writing, whether it's a long essay in a Space or a three-sentence reply
- Vulnerability that's chosen, not extracted
- Generosity with new members — someone's first post matters
Outing others — including metamours, partners, ex-partners
Disclosing someone else’s plural relationships, kink practices, orientation, gender identity, HIV status, or any other private identity information — even inside Tessakin, even to a “small audience” — is a violation. Polyamory especially depends on discretion for many of the people who practice it. Someone else’s risk is not yours to manage.
Doxxing
Publishing someone’s legal name, home address, workplace, phone number, or any identifier that maps their Tessakin activity to their offline life — without their explicit, active consent — is an immediate bannable offense. There is no version of this that’s okay. Not as a joke, not as a threat, not “in private.”
Recruiting
Tessakin is not an acquisition funnel for your other platform, business, mailing list, multi-level marketing scheme, religious community, or external community. Mentioning what you do elsewhere is fine in the context of a real conversation. Using Tessakin to pull members into your other thing is not.
Harassment
Repeated unwelcome contact, coordinated pile-ons, targeted cruelty, or any pattern of behavior designed to make a specific member unsafe or unwelcome in this space. This includes behavior that's technically within other rules but is clearly meant to wear someone down.
Pressure and predation
Tessakin includes people who are new to plural relationships, in transition, or figuring out their own edges. Using that uncertainty to push someone toward an interaction they haven't clearly chosen — sexual, romantic, emotional, financial, or otherwise — is not welcome here.
Performative cruelty
Meanness disguised as analysis. “Just being honest” used as cover for contempt. Positions stated to humiliate rather than persuade. The tell is usually tone — you can tell when someone’s arguing to understand, and when someone’s arguing to win. We try to make room for the first. We don’t make room for the second.
Moderation here is human. Real people read the reports. Real people make the calls. Where there's ambiguity, we lean toward repair over punishment and toward context over abstract rules. When someone is harmed, the harm matters more than the intent. When someone makes a mistake, we'd rather help them learn than push them out.
Consequences exist. Posts get removed. Members get warned. In rare cases, accounts are suspended or closed. When those things happen, we tell you what happened and why, and we make sure there's a way to appeal if you think we got it wrong.
Moderation isn't neutral. We have values, and we enforce them. What we try not to do is pretend we're impartial when we're not, or hide behind “just following the rules” when the call is really a judgment. The judgments are ours. We'll own them.
If you need to report something, there's a report link on every post and reply. Reports go to moderators, who read every one.
If you need to reach a moderator directly — for something complex, for feedback on a decision, or because you're not sure whether something is worth reporting — you can email mods@tessakin.com. A real moderator reads every message to this address.
If something has gone seriously wrong and you need the founder, hello@tessakin.com reaches Antonio directly.
These guidelines will change. As the community grows, we'll notice things we didn't anticipate, and we'll add, revise, and sometimes delete principles that didn't work. When we make changes, we'll say what changed and why. Nothing here is carved in stone — but everything here is held with real weight, for as long as it's here.
— Antonio, founder of Tessakin
community guidelines — version 1.0 — effective April 24, 2026